Lillian Too

in a fit of frustration, I took off steam reading my wife's favourite Lillan Too book. See what she says abt my "animal sign" for the past month!

"Many opportunities open up for you in your career this month. New avenues present themselves and you could be offered a fantastic new opportunity, which involves a higher salary, more perks and more travel. Although this means less time with the family and a more highly charged career, this could be a good thing at this juncture of your life..."

WOW!

Damn Frust

Today I felt at the lowest ebb of my move from consulting to an end user environment. Ever since I moved almost 1 year ago, I have never assimilated into a "user mode" of operation... Some of you ask, what is a "user mode"? Typical lah
- everything oso taichi
- in meetings just tokok like real, but don't do any work, just taichi
- the folks who talk most in meetings are the folks who do the least
- everyone just wants to look good

So why am I feeling so down?

Well, you know, recently I've been having some serious shit happening in Mexico. We're building a regional data centre there for Latin America and the first country going live in that DC is Brazil. So the Mexico DC is connected to the Mexico DR via a network link. And in the domestic environment, we have 2 groups responsible for global networks... 1 group for network, 1 for security. Now for many weeks, that link was not operational, and we cannot configure the DR site because the DR contains an Active Directory server that requires connectivity to the "master" in order to replicate over the users/ groups etc.

So we escalate la.. (user environment what.. you can only escalate, u cannot roll up your sleeves one..)

But niama, the Network PMO person (some Indian chick who damn blur f*ck) tells me that "the firewall box in Mexico DR is defect, that's why u don't have connectivity"

So here I am, on another conference call, and that's what I report.. then this other dude (Security fella) said "eh.. who said.. that firewall box is a backup box, the main box is ok, so YOU HAVE CONNECTIVITY". So there I think "kanina.. but your Proj Mgr tell me like that one mah... so how?"

Anyway, this security guy damn defensive, he insist connectivity is established and he hinted that my cranium is empty thats why I cannot configure. I'm like, tiew nei ahsing, as if I dono don't have connectivity. Nahia, I ping the freaking server all timeout one... Then on that same call, the Security fella said "firewall rules not implemented".

I'm like Kanina, first you say connectivity ok, then firewall rules not ok. They BOTH GO HAND IN HAND you dick head!

Ok.. then the story deepends, the security guy insist that very nite he will impement (this was all a few weeks ago). So they did. But their rules all salah implement one... why? because when we test, connectivity still not there. Nahia, the fella got the cheek to say "eh, If I say the task is closed, the task is close". Wah lan eh...

So there goes a few emails back and forth, then you know lah, the Security fella damn sensitive one.. So yesterday, I got on another call (now this time, finally, after much troubleshooting, the link was finally up and operational)... this security fella said "we're still troubleshooting". I'm like "err.. I just talked to my guys and for the past 12 hours we're ok". What also pissed me on that call was they had some Vice President of Infra on the call and she also said "hey, we know the status best and we're gonna have a call at 1pm to ascertain". I ask "can i be on that call?" "NO".

Tiew.

Now, I know this is a long ass story, but this pisses me off.

Firstly, all the project managers in this user organisation damn cock one. All damn high level. Refer to the Indian Chick above. Now, all they do is nothing but "report status". They all have no ability to "drill down".

For me? Unfortunately I operate still like my lung busting Steven Gerrard consultant mode. "You say the rules implemented? Show me! Let's ping, then do a trace route, then telnet and see if any packets dropped". It's only thru detailed drilling I find out that the security guys do cacat things like implement the firewall rules non bi directional, or they forget to open up a certain port. They they got the cheek to say "status closed".

Secondly, I get told that I'm too kan cheong in finding out status. My god.. my arse is on the line, baby.. if I don't find out, who's gonna save my arse? Worst, when I ask your high level Proj Manager and I get shit high level answers that are likely wrong, I lagi piss off. Then some of these guys also damn sensitive, they don't like you going direct and asking their staff for status.. I'm like, eh.. I ask your PM, if within 12 hours no response i'm just gonna bypass you man.

I'm very sad. I never expected such sub standard working styles in a user environment. Maybe it's me.. I feel like as if I'm Ronaldinho playing for Selangor.. I'm like passing all the balls but no once scores! Maybe it is time to evaluate my situation...

Streamyx bitch

Today's bitch is abt Streamyx. I was reading Effendi Hashim's article on Sunday (who I bumped in 1 U last week, but the f*cker damn lan sii one... KNNECCB!) where he complained abt Streamyx... and I have the same bitch..

At least my connection doesn't drop that often.. but what I cannot tahan is their tech support. Everytime streamyx is down, when I call them, this is the usual conversation:

Them: "Hallo, thank you for calling TM Net"

Me: "Hallo, My name is Mr. Pap. Kari Pap. My user name is karipap and I think Streamyx is down in Sungai Bamboo"

Them: "OK, can I ask you for your name and user id"

Me: "What the.. didn't I just say it when I picked up the fone? Anyway..."

Them: "Canot konek isit? Can I ask you to dis konek your modem, konek again and Try"

Me: "Done"

Them: "Can I ask you to dis konek your telephone wire, konek again and try?"

Me: "Done"

Them: "You ada bypass filter ah?"

Me: "Ada"

Them: "Can dis konek filter, put itu wire direk to modem?"

Me: "done"

Them: "Like that ah. I jot down your details and get technician call u bek, can?"

The thing that pisses me off is more often than not this is NOT a freaking wire problem or a modem problem or a bypass filter problem. CCB.. you think these things so easy koyak ah? YOUR PROBLEM LAH! Come on Streamyx!

Iron Man

I stumbled upon this website on one of my weak moments when taking in my daily comics fix...

http://stark.seabreezed.org/index.php?option=com_expose&Itemid=35

Enjoy the first 5 issues of Ultimate Iron Man!

Translation

Been working on some projects in Mexico, some of the "translated documents" come back with this:

Las consideraciones indispensables para la ejecución de este proceso son enviar los parámetros mínimos obligatorios que solicita el servicio para que el sistema de conciliaciones contables responda con la información correcta.
Este servicio se invoca en el momento que se detecta un error en las CURCS asignada. Si no existe error, no es necesario ejecutar dicha transacción.


I'm like WTF? The document is supposed to be in English! So I use google translator and i get this crap:

The indispensable considerations for the execution of this process are to send the minimal obligatory parameters that the service requests so that the system of countable conciliations answers with the correct information.
This service is invoked in the moment that detects to itself an error in the CURCS assigned. If error does not exist, it is not necessary to execute the above mentioned deal.

Cheemo!

Exams!

This week my Standard 1 son starts his exams! 4 papers this week plus art and the whole of next week! Jialat.

That's why my wife naik gila this week and banned me from travelling. Supposed to be in Korea and HK this week.. had to last minute cancel if not she'll kill me.

Can u imagine, my son's Bahasa Malaysia Standard 1 he already has to do cheem stuff like:
- Bina ayat (ie. give a picture, have to make sentences like "Bapa saya menunggang basikal dengan laju di waktu pagi") Cheem!
- Name the states given the state flag (ie. Pulau Pinang, Perak, Sarawak). Cheem!
- re arrange sentences ie given "Jalur Gemilang - bendera - Malaysia - Nama - ialah" he has to re arrange to say "Name bendera Malaysia ialah Jalur Gemilang")

Wow

Horno?

I was walking around in 1 Utama last nite when I spotted this grill!



Never have I had a good laugh since Chelsea signed Asier Del Horno!

On Strike

Last nite totally cheezed me off...

firstly, one of my mexico calls moved to 3am KL time. Tiewnehahsing! Totally insensitive, these arse wipes.

secondly, all this issue of chargeability surfaced. My blurdog leader got into a mess because he forgot to cater for some serious budgetting for resources.. how does he deal with it? Taichi la... this is the mentality of the place i work in mah...

So he goes and taichi and taichi and i'm like, wah lan, already my team has got 4 fellas, 1 guy fully focused on Asia projects, that one oso got no budget for him! Then myself, I used to do 30% on this project, 30% on this other prj etc etc.. (all these projects super important one) then I spend maybe the rest of my 30-40% on some freaking fire fighting missions in HK, AU, China... nahia.. no budget man. I'm like WTF man... then he had the cheek to move the some other guys from some other groups to MY OWN PROJECT BUCKET.. I'm like, who the f*ck is this Thai guy doing under my budget headcount?

It's like in my old firm, we used to get these FS90 reports ..ya, these good old days mainframe chargeability reports, before we replaced them with Stupid Application Program (SAP).. I remember, sometimes got some freaking analyst charging 2 hours on my project and I don't even remember approving this shit.

So I mogok lah. Today dowan to work.

Some smart ass dude pinged me and asked "don't work means stay at home izit?" DOH! I already stay at home...

HOT NEWS

wah, today i had coffee with yet another EX... and my god what did I learn.. so much that I don't even know how to mask the details in this blog, but here goes.

Recently, my old company had a few senior fellas leave the firm. Ya ya.. we were all sad, and we were all wondering.. KNN, this one guy, so keng chow, just penetrated the biggest money cow in the country, oso kena tendang? Then this other guy, such a nice guy, also kena arrow.

And when you ask them why, you get the standard answer of "ya, I'm making way so that people like you can get promoted".

My arse!

Today I found out what we already were speculating.. lemme say it's like clearing the weeds....

Anyway, when the weeds were cleared, let's just say the weeds that were cut were given a huge pile of compost to feed on. So these weeds got happy with the shit they got.

Anyway, sometimes, when you need to clear weeds, you cannot just take the scythe and start clearing. The laws in this country are quite employee friendly. You first need to write the bad weeds an eval, and you sometimes have to "hantam" a weed in the eval. What to do? You wanna chop, right? So, kena lah the eval. Even tho you are a superstar weed, your eval like shit.

Sometimes, these weeds fight back. So these weeds tend to stick onto your socks when you start clearing, and its damn irritating, they just won't let go of your socks.

So some of these vengeful weeds damn chee kek man. "you give me bad eval, I really stick it to you". How? Got tactic one.. you basically point out the farmers imperfections.. Like you can say.. eh.. this farmer, you sure can pakai one ah? The other day on this other project where all farmers get together to do "selection" for the right seeds to plant on a plot of land, there's this one other farmer who apparently claimed that "hey, even tho our role is to select seeds, but this special seed ah.. if we are selected ah, keng chow, I agree oready with this seed that I will be planter of choice". Wah Lan eh.. like that how can? Mana boleh play dual role. Konflick lah...

So anyway, this weed damn smart. Highlight this case. So all the farmers panic lah. Then the biggest of all big farmers came to see the weed.. This weed oso damn smart.. defler also "made inquiries" with the "national board of plantation". So all hell breaks loose lah and finally the weed gets left alone.

Cheem or not?

In the defence of this weed, this weed actually had another trump card.. but that is another story...

Argh

Some days working at where I am, I just feel like the picture below... ya.. like i wanna pop my claws wolverine style and just rip out someone's vocal cords


I tell you.. some things that irk me:

1. Sometimes,working with these US folks, really CCB.. they send like 20M attachments without zipping. Real KNN. THere was this one Finance woman from China... she sent this 19M document. Unzipped! So I wrote to her "eh, zip lah". Then she resent the same document zipped... i'm like how dungu-fied is that?

2. The place I work is a taichi society. Sometimes, we make a request, kanina, it comes back with more questions! I'm like, screw you lah, i give you detailed instructions just do it lah, nahia. The amount of times I get responded with a question..

3. Then recently, my boss starts saying something stupid (this is not the first time...). We all work in a shared service organisation, just like my old company, we have "project codes" or "charge codes". So we got this big ass bucket to charge time for "regional support" and now he says we cannot charge time to this regional support number. I'm like, then charge where? Seow ah? He wants to charge to the "list of approved projects" but i tell you, there's only a list of say 5-6 approved projects, because half our times are spent bailing out the different regions in the red (hence the "regional bucket").
KNN MAN!

4. And talking abt taichi-ing, i tell you.. in the place I work, the freaking US folks have this big IT department, and there's this one department focusing on "corporate systems" (like HR, GL etc) that kaninah man.. damn tulan one. They work together with the rest of IT and everytime some shit goes wrong, they blame others.

Like in Australia, so much problems. Then when we ask "everything's ok". Suddenly I get an email from a DBA asking for access to the environment to troubleshoot some locking problem! Nahia.

And in Brazil, celaka, their status updates says "infrastructure issue". I'm like, WTF? I investigate and I found that the application fella when he backup data to the DVD he didn't use the backup command so he backup salah. Nahia.. that one become Infra issue.

Real bastards man